sweetheartoftherodeo’s blog

Here is me and Figaro.  I like the second one best cause you can see her little belly : )

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Why does being pregnant mean that every day is like life with a terminal illness :( ?  I am still very sick all the time.  I am eating more just really small portions.  Sometimes no matter what tricks I try to pull or what I eat or do I still end up bawled up cry and wishing I wasn't constantly feeling like I want to just sleep and wake up when the baby comes lol.  That is not an option so I guess I will just keep hoping for some relief someday : ).  I have been reading this really good book that my cousin let me borrow.  Its called Redeeming Love:

Redeeming Love

Francine Rivers

Its a story based on the book of Hosea in the Bible.  It isn't one of my typical books I read.  Usually I like things that have no plot and have really deep hold your breath life is so (insert adjective) ....  This one is good though because its obvious the parallel of the Bible story and I say if you are a fan of love stories and the Bible check it out : ).  I have been setting small goals for myself to return to normal-esqu life.  For example I have been catching up on my manga reading.  I have a subscription to Shojo Beat and I am still in the March issue.  I also have been journaling more (again).  I have been kinda reluctant to do it since the whole "suedehead" incident but I need to do it.  I have been trying to periodically update a journal for my baby too.  I have been trying to spend more and more time with my family lately.  As most of you know my family was not too keen on my situation at first.  I am hoping they are coming around. I like being able to talk to my mom so much an not fight with her.  Its really enjoyable.  I am very lucky to have my family so close.  When I think about having this baby it scares me so bad sometimes.  I am also so excited too.  I just wish I could have a proper belly : ).  I still haven't figured out what to do about my cats.  I guess I need to start asking around to see if anyone wants them.  I will miss them so much.  Thank God I will still have Dumbledoore and Marilyn.  Something cool that happened the other day.  I was at a restaurant and I looked out the wind and there was a mommy and daddy Cardinal and a nest full of baby birds.  I couldn't get a good picture of it but it was amazing. (look for the orange beak in the branch... thats the mommy)

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One other thing I have been doing lately when I am up to it is play my DS again.  I ran out of games to play.  I get mad when I play Animal Crossing like its my life and then I forget for a week and everything is destroyed.  I got the Harvest Moon Fantasy game but its flipin hard and I am tired of watering stupid crops. I let Nicole borrow it and she let me borrow her Professor Layton and the Curious Village.  It is a fun game.  Its challenging but not too hard.  I like the music in it a lot.  It reminds me of the sweet parts of the theme to Silent Hill.  If you have a DS I recommend it.  Speaking of Animal Crossing... I am going to be doomed when they release it for wii.  I love to play it on the game cube so much and when the wii has it I think it will be one of the happiest days of that year.  I hope they release it soon.  Anyways, I am a huge dork.  Hope everyone else is having a great Thursday. 

I have some bad news...

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In other news,  my belly is starting to grow!  Friday and Saturday was the first time I noticed it.  Its so weird!!!  Its not too big so it just looks like I have a beer belly or something.  I am excited about having a big belly.  Sometimes though I get hormonal and cry and freak out about being big and how draining physically it all is.  It is so funny the things that make me cry.  I love watching movies or tv shows about babies now.  I watched Look Who's Talking on Saturday.  (it was on tv and I was so sick so I just laid there watching it). When she had the baby I cried so hard.  I also dream about babies every night.  Usually I dream that I have already had my baby.  I went and saw Baby's Momma on Sunday with my Mom, Grandma and Aunt.  It was pretty funny.  They posted most of the good parts on the previews though.  I also am on a hunt for a cool vintage desk.  Mine is pretty small.  The only reason I like it is because its a left handed desk (I am not left handed but I think its cool that the desk is... i know.. I'm weird lol).  I did find a chair though that is very cool.  Heres a pic:

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I know I am posting late but I was literally in bed sick at 6:30 : (  My sister came over yesterday and we spent hours playing on my iMac.  We made all these silly videos and took some great pics.  Here are a few...

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I hope everyone had a good day today!  I was really nervous about going to work today because I was so sick all weekend and I thought maybe I would just be in the bathroom all day at work which is no good.  I can't believe my birthday is in two days!  I will try to take a "day in the life" pictures that day.  Who knows what will happen.  I have a lot of possibilities as far a celebration but I am not sure if I will be up for anything.  My Mom called today and asked if I wanted to go to lunch and I said maybe because I don't know if I will be able to eat on that day.  I told a bunch of people at work today that I am pregnant.  As the days pass it is easier and easier to say.  I still cant believe it.  If I didn't constantly feel sick I wonder if I would forget (probably not) .  I hear all these women telling me how much they loved being pregnant.  I can't wait to reach that phase.  Don't worry, as soon as I start showing I am going to take a million pictures.  I love my Birthday cause my family is always nice to me on that day.  It was the one day growing up as a kid and I knew I wouldn't get in trouble or yelled at.  I guess even if the nice was fake I was too happy to tell.  Today I started to read a chapter of proverbs a day.  There are 31 chapters in all so if you read a chapter a day you will read the whole book in a month.  I want to do that repeatedly till I can start quoting it.  Today was Proverbs 15.  My favorite verse was: "He that refuses instruction despises his own soul: but he that hears reproof gains understanding" v. 32

I don't really know why I like that one the most out of the whole chapter... I just kept rereading it.  Well stay posted for more updates. 

PS.  I love iChat.  I finally got a new iMac and I have been iChatting with as many people as possible.  If you have iChat let me know and we can totally video chat.

I just deleted about 2 whole pages of "friends" on my myspace.  If you were deleted and you really are my friend let me know and I will re-add you.  I am just so disgusted with people.  Even within families there is the possibility of treacheries that I couldn't even think of.  I am not naming names so don't ask me too.  I had a good talk with my mom last night.  I don't know if its the hormones but I feel like there is not a trustworthy person out there.  I know I have mentioned it before but I swear to Jesus if I could go back in time I would have never even said hello to Erica.  The betrayal is so deep I am shocked.  I have the worst morning sickness. It makes me fearful for the week. I don't want to be at work and spending the whole day puking!  BTW have you ever seen this web site called Pandora?  It is the coolest thing I have found in a long time!!  I created a Juliana Hatfield station and it is heaven!  You have to try it out!

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I didn't realize being pregnant would make you soooo sick.  I have been almost bedridden the past couple of days.  It has made me miserable at work.  The doctor says it should hopefully pass.  So as soon as I found out about being pregnant I knew it was important to eat as healthy and organic as I could so I went grocery shopping.

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I just hope this nausea will go away soon. Thankfully my cats have been glad to help me take naps and Grey has been really helpful.  He is actually doing my laundry for me at his house as I write.  I hope everyone has had a good week.

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1 comment

I don't know how much energy I am going to have to post this but here we go... Most of my vox friends will recognize Erica, I have been posting stuff about her for about a year or so now.  I have to say I have always tried to be a good friend to her.  For some reason though, she has decided to just turn her back on me and start talking all this shit about me to people and telling people my secrets.  I am so hurt.  I never thought someone would be that mean.  Luckily I had someone on the inside telling me what she was doing and she didn't know or doesn't know that I knew. 

Another thing crazy.  I am pregnant.  Really Really pregnant.  Like have been pregnant for 2 months... I just found out on Wednesday.  The father is my ex, Grey.  When I realized I first felt in shock.  I just can't believe it!  I told Grey and I thought he would be mad at me, but really he is so excited.  I am glad he is not being negative, I need that.  I told my Mom and she screamed at me and told me I needed to "take care of it" I am not even going to utter what she was suggesting.  It is just to awfull to say.  I hope it was just shock and craziness and not her true feelings.  It was the most hurtful thing she has ever done to me.  I feel really scared but I am putting this in God's hands.  I always wanted to be a mommy so I am excited about that.  Please pray for me.  I feel like the kid picked last in gym right now. 

For some radon I smell fresh bake chocolate chip cookies.. Weird I know. I'm technically alone cause my friend is not talking to me, what's new? I'm hungry and need sleep. Playing hookie today was good. I got a lot of much needed cleaning done. Some told me they bought me a present today.. Even if its a damn clock it the first present I have gotten in a long time. One thing that pisses me off is how guys will tell you that they will buy you flowers and then they dont .. Hence why I buy myself flowers. Ok lets just put the cards on the table.. I've have had one and a half drinks and I'm freeling drunk. Kinda drunk posting LOl. I got asked to move to another state with someone today, if I didnt think it was a bluff I would go.... Ps I love u

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